Publicist Wanted: Must Work For Food

I'm thinking about setting aside a chunk o' change to hire a publicist — unless I can find one who lives in the Bay Area and agrees to be paid with pots of my mother's cooking. Here are some questions for authors with experience:

1. Who is your publicist?
2. Does s/he promote you the package or a particular title?
3. How much did it cost and what did you get?
4. What has s/he accomplished that you know wouldn't have happened otherwise?
5. Is s/he a California-based marketing guru with a penchant for vindaloo?
   

Email me at mitaliperk at yahoo dot com if you want to avoid leaving details about names and money amounts in the comments. I'll compile (respecting confidentiality and anonymity, of course) and post the info somewhere down the road.