Disney's Enchanted: Hey, I'm BA-A-A-A-D!

It's not that I didn't enjoy this sweet film. It's not that the characters, music, and script didn't captivate me.  It's just that I can't leave my bleeping between cultures bifocals at home. 

So when the Bad Guy Brit (standard Disney choice played by Timothy Spall) offered Princess Giselle poison apples, it didn't surprise me that he disguised himself as three different kinds of first generation American: creepy hawker with generic Eastern European accent, Italian waiter, and (I knew it was coming) Sikh taxi cab driver. Thankfully he was reforming by the time he was costumed as an Indian immigrant, so we didn't have to endure a fake South Asian lilt. 

Throughout the movie, two Manhattans were evident: rich, white people with doormen and dry cleaning and working class immigrants, of whom all children should beware. On a good note, the film didn't vilify the High-Powered Jewish Princess (Idina Menzel), although she was dumped (after FIVE years of patient dating) in favor of the WASP Domestic Princess (Amy Adams) who cooked, sewed, and cleaned.

But the worst part for me was when the Real Bad Babe, played by a gorgeously middle-aged Susan Sarandon (in black with black hair ... yet again), became a downright crone before she convinced Princess to eat said apple. You know what that means, don't you? In a few years I get to be perceived as a double villain: a zero-generation immigrant AND an old woman. Let's terrify some kids during my author visits, shall we? 

Sigh. I feel kind of witchy already, smearing a good flick with my hyper-critical take. Too bad I can't just go to the movies and be swept away by the magic of a well-made tale. Can you?